Onward Edward

Back at work I was bored to the bone so I spent most of my time drawing up hundreds of possible holiday routes on Googlemaps. We tentatively decided that we should try to drive from Edinburgh around the north and eastern coasts of the UK, spend a week or so in the Netherlands, then slowly make our way to Lapland in northern Sweden where we would volunteer for a week or so. Hopefully we'd see the northern lights then carry on down through Finland and the Baltics, Poland, Germany, then hoof it back to London. 16,000km in total. 14 countries if you count the different flags in the UK. Ambitious.

So I finally finished work at the end of July and drove back up to Edinburgh to start our holiday. We stayed a few extra nights as Amanda was a bit sick, but this meant that we had a chance to see some more of the city. I'll say it again. Edinburgh is mint. We went to a sea bird colony and saw some puffins, seals and thousands of gannets. It was incredible, but if you've ever been lucky enough to play sniff the urinal sponge you'll know how ridiculous it smelt. David Attenborough describes the sanctuary as one of the seven wonders of the natural world, my friend Lilly calls is bird shit island. Both are fair descriptions. After a few days Amanda was feeling okay so we drove a bit further north to Pitlochry. Lilly and Jimmy, our mates from Dunedin, were living and working in his parents B&B. We were lucky as they had no guests so we got to stay in a lovely 4 star room and live the non-camping life for two nights. Pints in the sun, paasha for tea and a great game of boozey putt putt in the pitch dark on the practise green next door. Jimmy was a great host, and passed on some awesome local knowledge for the rest of our trip around the UK. 

Jimmy and I having a beer in the secret rotunda

 A mean spot for a picnic near Pitlochry

These two were having more fun than the dolphins

We spent the next week or so driving around the coast of Scotland and the Isle of Skye. A highlight for me had to be seeing dolphins cruising in Moray Firth near Inverness. The low: suffering hordes of ferocious midges. At the time I didn't realise that they were biting, infact I pulled the hard man routine and refused repellent knowing that I am all that is man and midges hate me. The real barstard is that it took about 3 days for them to really itch, so I thought I actually hadn't been bitten and happily continued the hardman routine until I was eventually fatally crippled by the burn. Midges suck almost as much as Six60. We ran out of diesel somewhere on the Isle Of Sky. After attempting to hitch for about forty five minutes we waved down a bus and Amanda did a mission to the nearest town for some diesel. She scored a ride back with a buzzy linesman who was wearing a sweet poncho and baggy trousers. That was awesome... 

Shoe lace fail on Ol Man Of Storr, Isle of Sky

When we got to Glasgow we had our first mechanical drama. I had replaced the brake pads and discs a month earlier as I thought the discs were warped. They were warped, but this was being caused by a faulty brake calliper. So by Glasgow the discs were warped again and every time I used the brakes Edward would do the Macarena. We had to have them replaced, along with a brake caliper and two tyres that had been punished in the process. So all that cost us what I payed for the van in the first place. Stink.

Since we'd lost a bit of travel time we made a dash down the east coast of England. We stopped in Blackpool for a look. It was pretty tacky and full of obese tourists  who were spending money on bad casino games with shitty prizes. We sped through Liverpool, which was basically a ghost town because of the recent riots, and camped somewhere in the north of Wales. Waking up to some rare sun we meandered around the Welsh countryside. The valleys are very very cool. We ended up in Hay On Why, a cute little town that straddles the border with England. It's famous for having heaps of books. There was an awesome honesty box book shop in a ruined castle. A few nights later we stayed near Cardiff with Amanda's friend's grandparents, Idris and Melvina. We were spoilt rotten and enjoyed some great yarns and great food. They kindly dropped us to the ferry in Swansea and let us leave Edward in their locked yard.

Panda sheep in Wales

Nice horsies on the common

Our crossing to Cork on the ferry was mint! Big waves, high winds and hardly any passengers. I don't hold much of a kite string to Ireland, but entering Cork harbour really stirred something up inside me. It was pretty spectacular at 7am, with the low morning sun spraying the sky a dazzling shade of red and the hills an indescribable green. I felt like I was heading home. It was my third time in Cork. Ireland is always great but this visit was pretty special with a bunch of family over to see my brother's brand new son, Donnacha. The party after Donnacha's christening was brilliant! I played a few classic hits to warm everyone up, my uncle sang a Maori blessing and Mike (my brother), boyed up with plenty of Guiness and New Zealand wine, performed a seriously amazing haka! A few Irish cats got a wee fright when he started yelling for no apparrent reason and thought maybe he was upset about something. Everyone was in great form. It was sad to have to say goodbye after only a few days. The return crossing was mellow and Idris picked us up in Swansea and took us home to a big breakfast and some more great stories. We packed up Edward and headed towards the tourist trap that is Stone Henge. It was fine. Just so bloody busy. There were so many gymies and jeans tourists that it was hard to get the Druidic vibe going. We found a nice common marshland near Salisbury to camp that night. While Amanda was cooking a mean chicken chilli on our trusty camping stove, some horses came over to see what we were up to. They were so nice and friendly and loved a good pat. In the morning we woke up to a bunch of cars and horse floats making a racket. I thought we were going to get a pasting by the locals for camping there but they were all very friendly and maybe just thought we were a bit crazy. It turned out that over night one of the horses had been stung by a swarm of wasps and was found up to it's neck in a river. What a commotion. The horse was fine, more scared than hurt. Poor horsey. 

Blockhaus D'Eperlecques

I was dreading the drive into London. I hate traffic, and I hate traffic jams. Dunedin is bliss. But actually the trip wasn't so bad. We only drove as far as Putney; that's as close as you get to central London with free parking. After meeting up with Mum, Dad and my Aunties in Victoria, we all got the tube over to Camden. They hadn't been on the tube yet (there isn't one in Ashburton), so it was a blast. We had a good look around the touristy market in Camden lock and went for a cheap pub feed at the local Wetherspoons. If your prepared to forego atmosphere and music then the Wetherspoons chain have some pretty cheap pub food. When I first arrived in the UK I was astounded at what £2.50 could get me for breakfast at Wetherspoons; never could shake that tacky vibe though. We said another sad goodbye and headed south to Dover and Folkeston. The route we chose turned out great aside from the 3 hours it took to clear greater London. Classic country side with narrow lanes and thatched roof houses everywhere. The midnight channel tunnel crossing was hassle free and we slept in a car park near Calais. In Eperlecques there's an old secret Nazi weapons factory and V2 rocket launch site so we spent most of the next day there. Bit of a mind melt. One of Hitler's two hundred odd launch sites for sending death to London. On our way through Belgium we stopped at a few war graves in Flanders and looked over the names. So many young lads from home who died in Europe. We carried on to Brugge where we had stayed earlier in the year, had a burger and a walk around the town then slept  in the van down a dark back street next to some windmills. We were woken by what I thought was the Police banging on the windows to give us a ticket for illegal camping. Turns out it was massively loud thunder and a great lightning storm. I love electrical storms. They make me feel tiny.

We had been to Amsterdam on our last trip to Holland so gave it a miss this time around and drove straight on to Langedijk, where a bunch of Amanda's relatives live. This lot know how to have a good time and within a few hours of arriving we were well fed, well clean, well drunk and having a cracking time at a bowling alley. Turns out Amanda is quite good at pub sports (darts, bowling, pool) and I am useless. I think I got one strike. Consistency is not my forte.